Impact

March 6, 2013

It was the summer of 2012 and it seemed like the longest summer ever.  Both girls had some battles of health issues.  I lost my job.  God found me another one.  We decided to do home school.  The girls said goodbye to teachers and friends.  We had VBS at church.  Katie went to camp for the 1^st time without mommy, which I am not allowed to do again, ha-ha! 

Gabby got her braces off and looked like a different human being.  She lit up.  She loves to smile and laugh now, she’s so beautiful inside and out.  She doesn’t wear the next new thing in style.  She doesn’t wear make-up.  She is just “Gabby”.  She is comfortable with herself.  Put her in jeans and t-shirt, a hoodie, and her Vans and she is good to go.  She’s never really cared about what others think of her.  I am so proud of her.  She left me for 5 days on a youth trip in July to BBF (Branded by Fire) which was life changing to her.  I saw a depth in her worship after she came back that made a momma proud.

August, we had to move again.  Even though the house God found for us to rent after Chris was arrested was our safe haven, I just was not able to stay any longer.  I didn’t know then why we had to leave but I know now.  It needed to be a safe haven to someone else who needed it more.  We live in a cute little townhome now.  It’s not quite home but we have come to terms with it, and we know that it is temporary.  It works for now.  It’s amazing what a place feels like after you put a few photos up J

September my Gabby girl turned 15, what?  It just seems unreal to me.  My little girl is not so little anymore.  After a long hard 18 months the girls and I were blessed with a beach trip to Myrtle Beach.  It was just what we needed to just put our feet up, relax, and have some much needed fun.  We had a blast.  The water was pretty chilly but it didn’t stop Katie.  It was a great time.  I have memories there now that I will forever cherish.  I will be forever grateful to those who blessed us to go.  I am still blown away.

While I was away on the beach trip, I had something to think about.  As the girls and I were preparing for our trip, the DA’s office called and asked me to come to Chris’s sentencing.  Finally, yes!  The time had come.  He was going to be judged for his crime.  Honestly, I had no desire to be there.  I didn’t want to see Chris and I didn’t want him to see me.  I hadn’t seen him or spoken to him in a year and half.  I had forgiven him.  I had healed; I just didn’t want to have to relive it.  I didn’t need to hear the gavel for it to be over for me.  I just needed to hear the outcome, not all the gory details in between.  The DA said me being there and making a statement would make an impact for their case.  I told God I would do it if He felt it necessary.  Needless to say, we came up with another way to impact without my presence.  I wrote a letter to the judge and expressed our hearts.  It went a little something like this: 

 

“For the sentencing of Christopher Johnson on 10/1/12,                                                                      

                I apologize for not making an appearance today in the sentencing of my ex-husband Christopher Johnson.  After much thought and prayer, I felt it was in the best interest for me and my daughters to not be here.  I felt it unnecessary to walk through that part of my life again.  I felt it unnecessary to feel the pain alive in my heart again.  I felt it unnecessary to see and hear things I really rather forget I seen and heard the first time.  I felt it unnecessary to see Christopher Johnson or for him to see me.  I have walked this part of my life out, I’ve been waiting just for closure, and today I get that closure.  I’ll get closure whether or not I’m here and I rather not relive that pain, again.  I feel I can explain in a written statement what his betrayal did to our lives in the last 18mths. 

                One morning I woke up to a pretty good life and that night, I was living a stranger’s life.  My life was a lie with Chris.  He was a stranger to me and to my daughters.  To have to explain to my daughters why their daddy was never coming back will always and forever break my heart.  Since March 29, 2011, we have lost our home, furniture from that home, we almost lost our car, and I lost my job.  I lost my job due to missing too much work.  Between all the appointments for counseling (for myself and my daughters), DA/FBI meetings, medical doctor appointments for my 7yr old daughter due to the stress it put in her life, and  my 15yr old daughter with her medical issues, it all began to add up, and I was let go.

                We have a lot of questions and don’t understand why he chose to hurt his whole family this way and we may never know but we do know what he is missing out on.  He had a pretty good life and he threw it all away!

                My daughters and I have had a lot of tears, heartbreaks, and questions but we have allowed this horrible experience to bring us closer to one another and stronger than ever, instead of tearing us apart.  We thank God for that. 

                I have faith in you Judge Voorhees and in God that whatever punishment is due, it will be given.  My words don’t come from hate or vengeance, just from believing there are consequences of your actions, and that goes for everyone.

                I want to say a special thank you to DA Cortney Escaravage and FBI Agent John Letterhos for helping me through this, for returning calls, and always being honest with me.  Most of all I thank them for protecting myself and my daughters from anymore harm that could have been caused.  They have been with me every step of the way and have worked extremely hard for this day.  Thank you for taking time to hear me out."