(I had today’s blog all planned out in my head. I even had it almost finished when God took it another route. You will read that finished blog next week. But for this week, I hope it reaches out to someone who just so happens needs to hear it. Please also note, I am not a professional. I am not trained in the field of marriage counseling. I am only sharing my thoughts and personal opinions.)
Chris and I’s divorce was final in May 25, 2012. I went from being a Mrs. to a Ms., again! I was not really sure how my heart felt. It was more broken over the divorce than whom the divorce was with, I hope that makes sense. I did get full parental rights over my daughters. The rights we fought so hard for when he adopted the girls in 2010 were gone. My daughters were mine again. I remember calling Gilda after that court date and just crying and heartbroken. I will always remember her words. “You are heartbroken over the divorce because it breaks Gods heart. God did not plan this for you and Chris. Chris made his choice and destroyed your marriage. He allowed Satan into his head and heart, and he broke your marriage up. Your heartbreak is from you allowing God to break your heart for what breaks His.” Sound about right Miss Gilda?
After this divorce I knew what it did to God’s heart and why He hates it so much. I knew what marriage and one marriage partner in life meant to not only Him but to you and your family. That is why I believe God has put this passion in my life to help other women to see their worth, in Him. God has put a love for marriages in my heart. I want to fight for marriages, even for people I don’t know, and that much harder for those I do. I hate divorce, it breaks my heart. It tears me up inside to know the effects divorce is going to have, especially if innocent children are involved. We are such selfish human beings. We leave at the first sign of imperfection. We leave at the first sign of hard times. We leave at the first sign of “I don’t love them the way I used to”. Grow up people; you are not going to love them the way you used to. You grow up, they grow up (hopefully, ha-ha!), and you have kids. Life changes and sometimes not always the way you have planned in your head the day you walked down that aisle. It is a fairy tale but it is also reality. Plans change, dreams might be put on hold, and there aren’t roses on the bed and candles lit every night anymore. Life gets busy. What happened to the wedding vows? They are meaningless words anymore, not for all, but for most. What happened to these words?
When I read those words, my insides jump up and down. My heart flutters. These are the words that God has spoken over His church, which is us! What if God left us for no good reason? What if when things look rough, we get sick, we lose our job, we argue with Him, God leaves us? He doesn’t. He fights. He doesn’t give up. He stands there waiting for us to say “Ok God, I can’t, help me.” Shouldn’t we be able to say this to our spouse too? We are so afraid to fail. We are imperfect, we are going to fail. It’s just what we do with that failure that makes us the person we should be. Do we learn from that failure or let it drag us and all those around us down? Ask for help from your spouse. They might not always or even ever give it when you need them to or how you expect it, but at least give them the chance. If you don’t give them the chance, how can you be mad when they don’t? We are not mind readers, as much as we all hope for that. Sometimes you have to let your heart be vulnerable. It’s scary, yes. But there will no significant change in your marriage if you don’t allow your heart to be vulnerable. If you don’t know how to be vulnerable, ask God, He will show you. If you don’t love your spouse anymore, ask God to show you how to love them again. If you don’t want to love them again, ask God to help you with that. I knew from personal experience God can handle that too.
Always keep in mind; a marriage with God is not going to be perfect. If anything, it might be harder. Satan isn’t concerned so much with those marriages that God is not center of. He wants to kill and destroy anything that is good and holy. Satan is going to work overtime to tear you apart and your marriage. You will have more temptations and normally harder times to walk through. But with God and Him being your protector, you can walk through it with your head held high knowing you gave Him your life, your marriage, and your family. You can get through those hard times with the right attitude and God being your center. The more you trust God; I believe it is easier to go through those times. You have a peace and joy that people who don’t trust God don’t have.
My parents asked me few blogs ago, “Why do you think God allowed you to fall so deeply back in love with Chris knowing the rug was going to be taken from under you? It just seems unfair.” I didn’t know that answer then, but I do now. I believe if all that happened with Chris and my heart wasn’t attached to him anymore, I wouldn’t be writing this blog right now. It would have not had the same effect on me. I would have already probably been involved with someone else, maybe married, and never took the time the girls and I needed to heal. As much as it hurt and tore my heart from my chest (for those who are Twilight fans, remember New Moon after Edward left Bella, I experienced that heart wrenching screaming, normally when my daughters were not around.) So, if it had to happen, I am glad it happened the way it did.
I am a healed woman. I am a whole woman. I am a compassionate and empathic woman. I am a woman who loves to encourage. I am a strong but vulnerable woman. I am a woman of pure heart, pure thoughts, and pure actions. I am a woman who loves to worship. I am a prudent woman. I am an honest, loyal, faithful, patient, and humble woman. I am self confident and have self respect. I am a woman after God’s own heart. So, would I change it…NO WAY!!
I am excited to see all that God has in store for me and for
my daughters in the future. I have a lot
of things going on right now, or about to start happening, and I am
thrilled. My heart is in the right place
for God to use me. Part of that future
God has told me, is one day, I will meet my prince, and I will be able to love
him with all my heart, not with broken pieces of it. That’s so EXCITING!!!
I'm sorry it took me awhile to comment on both your blogs, I've had my hands full this past week.
ReplyDeleteI had my own ideas why God allowed you to fall back in love with Chris, I was just wondering if you had any ideas of your own.
First, it's hard to mold harden heart, but broken, we become more easily molded than any other time in our lives. How I know that! Before, you would have been angry and disgusted, yes, but also free from the person you no longer loved, like vindicated for your loss of love, which would only have bred pride, if that makes sense.
Second, bitterness and hate breed more bitterness and hate, it's like fertilizer unto itself. Although painful, beyond painful to have someone you love be unfaithful, I too would have preferred this over having justified this bitterness and hatred and to allow it to grow more inside. It only festers and destroys us, yes, from the inside out!
There is nothing that can't be forgiven and you know I speak from some serious experience in this area. I had to learn and you too, that forgiveness doesn't mean acceptance or even reconciliation, it means release, freedom and peace for you! So in reality, forgiveness forever gives!
Totally agree Mama!! Something you said, "forgiveness forever gives", forever gives is in the word forgiveness. Pretty cool, huh?
ReplyDeleteYep, I thought it was pretty cool too!
ReplyDelete