Quit Complaining

February 13, 2013

Before I knew it, Gabby had her 14^th birthday, my birthday passed, Thanksgiving, and then our first Christmas without Chris.  I was blown away by all the love the girls and I were shown that year.  We were overwhelmed with all the thoughtfulness.  We really experienced Christmas in a whole new way that year.

On December 11, 2011 I fell in love with Jesus.  I mean, all heart, all mind, all soul, fell in love!  I released everything to him.  I released my beautiful babies; I released my family, my friends, even my heart desires.  I told Him I had to have only Him and everything else was a bonus.  I had all I had because of Him anyway.  It was all His in the first place.  He gave it all to me and He could take it all away.  I had to let it all go, be grateful for the time I had in my life but I couldn’t let anything or anyone become my god over Him.  

The New Year came and Katie had a birthday too.  I was really starting to struggle at work. My boss, even though understanding and helpful of me becoming a single mom instantly, we didn’t see eye to eye.  I hated my job more and more everyday and I became unappreciative.  I knew of all these people in my church that was desperate for work and I had an attitude and was ungrateful for mine.  My boss drove me crazy.  He was so belittling and nasty.  He had a short fuse and was rude to patients.  I couldn’t share with him what God was doing in my life because he didn’t want to hear about it.  He was lost and I prayed for him and his family.  His business was holding on my thread and I just didn’t care anymore.   I was drowning financially with the gas, the miles on my car (with wear and tear and repairs), and just maintenance due to it being in South Charlotte.  Myself and so many others were praying hard for me another job.  It was nothing to drive home in tears and come home just worn out being in a conflicted office all day.

While looking for another job and just trying to keep my sanity so many things were happening around me.  Gabby ended up having health issues that landed her in the ER a few times.  The girl’s school had a bomb threat.  I was fighting off collectors at every turn trying to explain why Chris wasn’t paying his bills and them trying to get me to pay, which I knew was not my responsibility.  One day my boss made me so mad that I bad mouthed him on face book (which I knew he would never see).  After, I felt so horrible that I publically apologized for my attitude and apologized to him as well.  God had put me in my place; I had to respect my boss as the authority in my life as my employer.  I might not have respected him as a man or business owner but he did pay my bills.  After that I quit complaining, thanked God for the job, and thanked Him for my future job.   

Katie had to have an endoscopy and colonoscopy in March.  That was a scary few months of not understanding what was going on with my baby.  The doctors could still not give me a definitive answer, even after the procedures.  She looked healthy and that was all that mattered to me.  The day after her surgery, my boss brought me in at the end of the day (it was a Friday) and told me he was letting me go.  I think he really meant it when he said he felt bad about doing so but he needed someone there all the time, someone without all my troubles.  It hurt, I cried, but I understood.  I asked God to get me out that office, but I wasn’t thinking he was going to do that way.  He always has His perfect ways. 

It was a hard 6 weeks.  My boss let me stay long enough to find someone to replace me.  What was heart wrenching was he made me go through all the resumes.  I had to choose the ones I thought were good for the job.  I had to call them all for interviews.  I had to train them for my job.  So many times I wanted to walk out, but I knew if I did, I would be giving in and I could not collect unemployment.  It was the longest 6 weeks.  The day I left, I hugged him, wished him luck, cried a bit in the car, but walked out with my head held high because I knew I left with integrity and he knew who my life belonged to, no matter what came my way.

I had no idea what God had in store for me with a new job.  I didn’t need to know.  I drove home that last time from South Charlotte with an absolute peace that all was going to be ok.  How could I not believe in His promises?  He has proven Himself over and over, even when He didn’t have to.