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January 23, 2013

As I mentioned in my last blog, the girls and I made a commitment to God, ourselves, and our church family to give God our life by getting baptized together at church. Who would of thought that 2 days later God was going to use that as a part of our testimony as a family. “Thank you for calling Wellness Chiropractic, this is Sarah, how may I help you?” I asked. Unknown to me the person on the other line was going to have a conversation with me that was going to put my day into a whirlwind. That person on the phone unfortunately was my mom. I remember like it was yesterday. It was a Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 9:38am. We only worked in the afternoons on Tuesdays. I came in earlier to do all the billing, statements, etc while it was quiet. My boss normally came in about 1pm but this day, he came in at 9:38am. My mom was trying to explain to me so many things at once but I know I heard FBI, breaking down your door, permission for the keys, and something about child pornography. What?? My head was spinning. Luckily my boss heard the conversation and when I got off the phone, he told me to go home and keep him posted.

(Wow, I still get goose bumps just thinking about it all again.)

I tried to call Chris and I couldn’t get through to him at work. I had someone keep trying to call him while I called my church. I thank God on a regular basis that Pastor Nathan just so happened was there that moment I called and was able to talk to me all the way home. That would have been a very long 45 minute drive without his friendship. Poor guy had to hear me cry and hyperventilate all the way. He is a trooper for sure! I had to hang up when Chris called as I was 5 minutes from the house and I had to explain to him what was going on, as much I knew anyway. He seemed almost not worried. He seemed to react as if there was some unexplainable reason this was happening. I had two reasons, and those reasons were my 15yr old step son or Gabby being the typical teenagers and being curious about sexually. I called Gabby at school and had to put the fear of God in her and told her if she was ever going to be honest with me, this was the time. I was happy to hear it wasn’t her so my only other thought was my step-son (not that I wanted it to be him, but it made more sense to me at the time).

When I drove up to my driveway and parked my car at my in-laws, the house that Chris and I built for our family seemed like someone else’s. Surrounding my home was about 15 cars belonging to FBI agents or police officers. I was not allowed to go in, get close, or ask the FBI anything. The police officers helping out were nice enough to me and didn’t make me feel like I had done anything wrong. My dad showed up and he was such a huge help in trying to keep me calm. I called my mom, told her to go get my car, pick up the girls, and get them away. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen but I did know my girls were going to be with my parents if all hell broke loose. They were going to be safe.

Then my skin began to crawl when I heard them, I heard the mufflers from Chris’s truck come up the driveway. I turned around and I felt my stomach hit the ground. He pulled the truck up around the back of our house. He got out and was escorted into our home, without me. Now I was pissed. He was allowed to go into the house and I had stay outside trying to figure out what was going on. Thank God my dad was there, he helped me keep my cool. But during all this, even starting from the call from my mom, I had this peace. I can’t explain it. I just knew no matter the explanation, it was all going to be ok; my family was going to be ok.

After what it seemed as a half a day, the FBI agents come out to ask me questions. Now I know how parents felt like on the TV shows when they were asked if they killed their child, being innocent they attacked the detective asking the questions. I knew I had done nothing wrong. Outside of the few “cute bathtub” photos that all parents take of their kids. I had never done anything to my babies that were out of line. At this point, all I knew that Chris had admitted to having child pornography on his computer but not much more information was given. The FBI ended up taking all of our computers, hard drives, and cameras, anything that could hold evidence. All I could remember was thinking I was going to lose all my photos of my kids growing up and that sadden my heart in the midst of this confusion.

As I was talking with the FBI agents, Chris got into his truck and tried to leave. They were not taking any actions on him at this time. When I saw him, I just ran to him. One of the agents, John (both Agents names were John), grabbed me, and told me it was not a good idea. I looked at him and said “HE WON’T HURT ME!” He let me go and as I ran I was thinking, no way he is going to hurt me, we have come too far. I knew he was going to tell me truth. He was going to tell me that this was all a huge mistake. He was going to tell me that he had done nothing to hurt any children. All he could do is look at me and say “I would never, it’s a setup, don’t believe them!” Oh how bad I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe it was just a mistake, one huge mistake! Someone was going to jump out and say we were on candid camera, I knew it! And then he drove off, leaving me to pick up the pieces by myself.

The agents said it would take several months for them to find anything, to try and go on living life. Were they stupid and out of their mind?? Go on living life, they had to be crazy. I called my mom, it was safe to bring my babies home. I had to explain to Katie that a Trojan horse that we could not fix took over all our computers and these special technicians had to fix it for us. I told her it could take a few months. She didn’t understand but that was enough for her, or so it seemed. I explained to Gabby what was going on and of course, like me, she wanted to believe that they got their daddy mixed up with someone else. There was no way he was capable of doing something like this.

In my head, there was no way this was truth. God didn’t take me through this journey the last 2 years to tear my family up now. We were going to get down to the bottom of this, together, all of us. I heard God tell me “I am going to protect your family”. And protect, He did…