He is My Lead

February 20, 2013

The year anniversary came of Chris being arrested and we were in shock of how fast it came up.  A whole year!  Some days it felt just like it was just yesterday it happened and others it seemed a lifetime ago.  We got through the day with some tears but with strength.  My family was healing.  I had already forgiven Chris, Katie did as well, and Gabby did just weeks before the 1yr anniversary.  We were on the road of recovery and I was so proud of my daughters. 

Once I lost my job, I enjoyed having a rest.  I was told by many to enjoy that quiet time.  The kids were in school and I had a lot of time on my hands.  As I looked for another job, I enjoyed doing things I couldn’t do while I was working.  I enjoyed being at home, resting, having quiet time, and just breathing.  The Lord taught me that our lives, our futures, our bills, our food, everything was in His hands.  It was not in the hands of my boss.  He used my boss to provide but He was my ultimate provider.  One day, God and I had a heart to heart.  Ha-Ha!  I expressed to him that if I am going to get a new job, the rest of my life really needs to calm down.  A new employer was not going to have any sympathy for me, my kids, and what I was dealing with in my life, especially through the first 3 months.

I applied to this part time job working in a Chiropractors job in Lincolnton, just miles from my house.  I was not thinking I was going to hear from them, and honestly was hoping I wasn’t since I told God I never wanted to work in a Chiropractors office again!  Have I not learned to not tell God what to do?  I was also nervous about it only being part time but I left it in God’s hands.  He knows best.  I felt He asked me to give Him a year there if I got the job and I had confirmation with that decision.  I believe He wanted to show me more how He was going to provide.  Well, needless to say, I will be working in that office a year this May with no intentions on going anywhere when the year comes up.  My boss is a God fearing and amazing man.  He has really stepped up my faith in employers and has in many ways helped to take care of my little family.  My office manager (and co-worker) and I work so well together and we laugh a lot.  We are so opposite of one another but we thrive off each other.  We both have bad days but we are so good at going to each other and apologizing. 

God blessed me more than I could ever ask of Him.  I love my job, my patients, and the people I work with.  We make a great team and we care about people.  Such a difference an office makes when God is in the middle of it.  God just wants to keep showing me how things look when He is the lead.

April 10, 2012 marked my year of rest I took.  To most people that doesn’t sound like a long time.  But let me explain my rest.  I took a break of men in my life, of romance, of love.  Since I was 13 I ALWAYS had a boyfriend, a guy, a male person in my life to make me feel “complete”.  I wasn’t anybody without a man to care for, or maybe it was them taking care of me, who knows.  I can’t tell you how thrilled I was of myself that the year came up and I knew it still wasn’t time.  I wasn’t ready.   The girls weren’t ready, well at least Gabby wasn’t.  Not to minimize Katie’s hurt, but she bounced back much faster of Chris’s betrayal.  Maybe because this was her first real big disappointment in her life and Gabby had walked through a lot more.  I think the more you hurt, the harder it is to care, until you really release it to God. 

I knew before I would ever think about having another man come into our lives (and the one God sent, not the one I went out looking for) there had to be 4 things I wanted done.  First, I wanted to be healed from the inside out.  Second, I wanted the girls to be accepting of someone else becoming a part of our family and not by me forcing it on them but them coming to me and sharing their heart that it was ok for me to love again.  Third, I wanted all of us to forgive Chris.  And lastly, I wanted the whole thing to be over.  I wanted all the doors to be closed.  I wanted the judge to come down with his gravel with sentencing.  It had to be forever finished.  So for my family, it was not time.  I extended my rest for another 6months and I was happy to do so, without complaints.

During all this as well, our family discussed homeschooling again.  To my amazement, Gabby is the one that requested homeschooling.  She was sick of the drama and she just wanted to focus on her studies.  She knows what she wants to do with her life and she doesn’t want anyone to get in her way.  So after much prayer, much conversation, we decided to start homeschooling the 2012-2013 school year.  I won’t lie; it was very hard in the beginning.  There are still days that I scratch my head and say “why did we do this” but 99% of the time; I know it was the right choice.  Was it an easy choice, no, but was it the right choice, yes.  The best is what I want for my daughters.  And even though many don’t agree with homeschooling due to social reasons, anybody that meets my daughters, there is no way they are missing out on that.  What is best for one family might not be the best for another.  I have no regrets for that decision and I know my daughters enjoy it very much and are doing well.